So I’m sat in Bolton hospital with Elise finally snoring her little head off, she’s poorly with tonsillitis again, this is a common thing with Elise, I’ve fought for 18 months to get someone to finally agree she needs them out!
Anyway being back in this hospital scares me, it brings my anxiety on, it’s brings back so much, it brings feelings back I never wanted to feel again and images I try hard not to see anymore. I was diagnosed with PTSD after Elise was born and I work hard to deal with it.
I remember coming for the MRI scan that would change of lives, it was the day that Alan Rickman died (massive Harry Potter fan!) I remember being apprehensive but relieved that we might finally get some answers, I remember what Elise was wearing and the nurse that
looked after her and the rest of the day, very clearly.
I wish I could remember life before that day but it feels like a million years ago now.
I explained in my first blog how the next few months went and what happened.
I’m not full of self pity now but I’m not going to lie, for a long time I was.
I do feel it’s very important for a parent to tell their story and the journey they went on. The emotional side of things is something that’s very important to me. It was the biggest and scariest roller coaster I’ve ever been on and I went on ‘the big one’ on a very windy day the morning after the night before!!
From one special needs Mam to another
If I had the chance to meet a family at the start of their journey into this world, I would tell them every single thing they are feeling or thinking is normal and that they aren’t alone. The journey is full of twists and turns but you learn to live with it and you just get on with things and then that’s your life and it’s your norm!
I would say please don’t ever blame yourself, I’ve been there and it’s a horrible place to be.
Lastly I would tell them not to miss what their child is doing NOW, I was so consumed with darkness I missed so much and I couldn’t enjoy Elise, I’ve made up for it since! I celebrate every single thing she does! I soak up every single smile!
There is light at the end of the tunnel
Although being here brings a lot of pain back, it also bring me immense pride. I’m so proud of Elise and how far she’s come and the strength she has. You know what, I’m even a bit proud of myself!
I’m Christie, I am 29 and freaking out about the next big birthday!! I live with my daughter Elise, my step daughter Lucy and partner David.
Elise has cerebral palsy.
I have a facebook page 'Elise Smashed It.'